Early Medieval (up to 1400) at Warfare 2024
Swiss vs Medieval Scots
Game 1 Swiss vs Medieval Scots
Game 2 Swiss vs Medieval Spanish
Game 5 Swiss vs Medieval German
Warfare in Farnborough, and a High Medieval themed event with a big turnout at which I'd be running the scoring and round-drawing spreadsheet - meaning that of necessity my army choice really needed to be something that was both not too taxing to use, and also one where my games would be almost certain to end quickly, one way or another
Having considered the Hungarians, 100YW English, Ordonnance French and Burgundians I didn't really see any of them meeting the "fast, simple and decisive" criteria especially well, which through a circuitous route finally took me round to The Swiss
Swiss Pikemen
I'd had a Swiss army for ages, made up of a mix of Mirliton, Donnington and QRF figures with a wall of colourful flags to distract from some occasionally simplistic painting, but had rarely used it - the only actual outing being a CLWC 1-day event some years ago where I'd taken a 1st round (of 3) bye to even up numbers, leaving the Swiss with just two actual games - both of which they had won.
The Swiss army (in the later part of the period) is of course one of many pikemen, with the v4 ADLG Army Lists permitting a mix of Average and Elite (majority Elite) to be fielded, making the army slightly wider than in previous editions where an all-Elite force was mandated.
There are several potential distractions to be considered - Lorrainer Knights, halberdiers of close formation and loose formation types, some crossbowmen and many foot skirmishers.
For this particular themed event the points total was a larger than standard 220 (not 200) and so to use the extra points I had eschewed almost all of the distractions to go for a list led by a full dozen pikemen, 6 screening foot skirmishers shielding the pikemen from enemy archery, 4 halberdiers to contest any rough terrain and a lone Light Horse crossbowman just to mooch about at the back and try and slow down anyone breaking through the line of pikes to outflank the onrushing Swiss wall.
The list also included a couple of "included" Competent Commanders and a Brilliant CinC, which together with the light troops gave it an impressive "we want to move first" initiative score of +3.
So, with flags a-fluttering, and a simple plan of lining up and charging at literally anything I might encounter, the Swiss hit the table on a chilly weekend in November to start their campaign against another pike-tastic army, the Medieval Scots !
The lists for the Swiss and Medieval Scots from this game, as well as all the other lists from the games at Warfare can be seen here in the L'Art de la Guerre Wiki.
The Medieval Scots can have loads of pikemen, but the question is how many to have, as there are some appealing toys in the rest of the army too.
The French Impetuous knights are good, but are, erm, Impetuous, and the Highlander ally with the mixed Bow/Sword shooters is hard to ignore too. You then end up with a debate between adding numbers of pike at the expense of quality of everything else.
Lots of pike are not a bad idea against armies with plenty of Knights, who find any sort of pikeman a problem to deal with - but trying to use Poor Quality Pikemen against Elite Pikemen is a challenge the Scots will always struggle to overcome.
Hey! Look at these Books about the Swiss, and weird Swiss things you can get on Amazon UK!
With a surprising amount of terrain cluttering the table, the Medieval Scots had set up with a large core of Pikemen (not so good quality), flanked by blocks of archers on both wings, supported in turn by packets of foot and mounted knights
This first real Swiss deployment in many years saw them mass 2 commands worth of deep sets of Kiels in the narrow open terrain of the centre of the table, flanked on their left by the smallest block of pikemen who came with the biggest clump of halberdiers - who were delighted to see the Flemish had set up some archers in the field facing them
L'Art de la Guerre hint - Heavy Infantry in ADLG can move 3MU (12cm) in "open" terrain if their move starts more than 4MU (16cm) from any enemy unit, but only 2MU (8cm) if they are in rough terrain.
As they want to close with the enemy as quickly as possible, but also hit them with as many units as possible at the same time this makes it a bit of a toss up whether it would be better to start wide but also partly in the terrain, or start narrow and try to expand the formation after clearing the terrain.
I opted for the latter, especially as if the Swiss were to get pinned into the terrain by other troops they would incur significant combat penalties
The Swiss pikemen surged forward like a synchronized avalanche of cuckoo clocks, their pikes snapping to attention with the precision of a banker’s ledger as they raced towards a date with destiny and a battle against some face-painted Antipodean-led pikemen who they knew were nowhere near as good as they themselves would be in combat.
With the first turn done the Swiss had almost cleared the terrain - the question now would be how quickly could their disrupted linear formation coalesce into a solid line with which to slam into the waiting Flems?
Little-known Facts about Swiss Pikemen
When a Swiss Pike Block all do push-ups in training, they don't push themselves up.
They push the Earth down.
The Jocks responded in turn by slowly inching forward with their own wall of haggis-eating, IrnBru-swilling peasant infantrymen, while at the same time urging the units of Heavy Swordsmen and the Highlander bowmen on both flanks of the cohort of pikemen forward as fast as possible to either shore up the flanks of the phalanx, or perhaps even put pressure on the Swiss wings before combat broke out along the line
Little-known Facts about Swiss Pikemen
There was once a street in Zurich called Swiss Pike Block Strasse, but the name was changed as nobody crosses a Swiss Pike Block and lives
The Swiss phalanx however was in no mood to mess about - their advance, urged on by their Brilliant Commander, the Gnome of Zurich (other bi-coloured flags are available) starting now to spread out and join up the gaps between the three Kiel's of Vorhut, Nachut and the one that starts with G and is much harder to spell as they got close to the Tartan Army
The Swiss pikemen were simply ignoring all strategy, and instead were marching straight across the tabletop as though propelled by the alpine winds themselves, their cowbells jingling a battle symphony that mocked the enemy's fear at their approach.
The McTavishes sought to do clever stuff on the flanks, swinging Highland archers and mercenary crossbowmen into range to pepper the Swiss with bolts and arrows - but the only recipients were the Swiss handgun-armed skirmishers, who when they picked up the odd injury simply retired to their expensive private clinics to rally and recuperate
Little-known Facts about Swiss Pikemen
Every Swiss pikeman always carries around four weapons of mass destruction
His arms and his legs.
As the two battle lines got to charging distance, the Swiss took stock of their opponents, and quietly congratulated themselves on the psychological benefits of replacing bendy old school soft metal cast-on spears with metal pins and/or plastic broom bristles.
Their ongoing advance was by now as relentless and orderly as a line of bankers counting gold coins, each step a calculated investment in their enemy's eventual defeat
On the left flank the massed formation of (checks notes) three halberdiers, led by an Included Commander, had steamed into the Highlanders holding the whisky-drinkers right flank in a recently ploughed field, and smashed straight through them, carving a path with the scything blades of their well-engineered and precision tooled sharpened polearms.
The ferocity of their assault was as inevitable as the springtime arrival of the cuckoo, each swing of their halberds a perfectly timed announcement of impending annihilation to which the mercenary shooters could not close their ears.
The halberdiers pressed their attack with the inevitability of a fondue pot bubbling over, engulfing everything in its path with molten martial fervour as they simply swept away the Highlanders in a matter of mere seconds.
Now the close formation swordsmen on the Jocks right, who were supposed to be protecting the flanks of the Scottish pike block, found themselves dramatically exposed!
The main Kiel now charged into the Scottish pikemen with the precision of a watchmaker crafting the gears of an indomitable war machine, every movement a testament to Swiss efficiency.
The gleaming steel tips of their pikes glittered like snow-capped peaks as the two lines of densely packed pike-holders clashed, the swirl of Swiss flags promising a cold and merciless embrace to those who dared to stand in their way!
Little-known Facts about Swiss Pikemen
When the bogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks under his bed in case there is a Swiss Pike Block hiding in there
The first round of combat was decisive, with hit markers sprouting everywhere along the kilt-wearers lines, turning the originally solid formation into a rectangular slice of Emmental cheese, festooned with holes and even now almost utterly lacking in any sort of effectiveness in terms of being a useful tool for the waging of war.
What are the chances of that eh?
Both sets of pikemen are, erm, "Pikemen" so start on exactly the same basic combat factor.
All of the Scots are classed as Mediocre, meaning they deduct 1 from any die roll of 4, 5 or 6 - this has the effect of making them a smidge less resilient than Average troops, but far less likely to "win big" - which all kinda fits with the stereotype of Scottish Schiltrons. The majority of the Swiss pikemen are Elite, meaning they add +1 to any low die roll of 1, 2 or 3 - making them far harder to beat, and a little more likely to ground out a win when they and their opponents roll both low.
In combination, Elite vs Mediocre shifts the odds significantly in favour of the Elite troops (no sh+t Sherlock!) with the Swiss troops expecting to win 61% of the time, and scoring an average of 0.86 hits per round of combat, vs the 22% winning ratio of the Scots, who also only inflict 0.27 hits per round of combat.
Well, almost completely lacking - but not quite, as at the end of the Swiss line of destruction the dour penny-pinchers and Heavy-drinkers had a surprise up their tartan sleeves, in the shape of some highly effective former Galloglaigh types and associated pikemen, who had all hitched up their kilts and girded their loins to give the over-confident Swiss a very bloody nose
Two whole blocks of pikemen were eradicated as surely as if they had been overrun by a bovine ballet of Swiss cows, all stampeding to the rhythm of their own deadly bells!
L'Art de la Guerre hint - If your units is stood less than 1MU behind another friendly unit which is destroyed in combat, your unit takes a hit for being in the path of the routing geezers.
The pike unit in the picture here therefore has a 2-hit (2 shield) marker, as he has taken 2 separate hits as a result of the destruction of each of the two pike blocks who originally were stood partly in front of him while engaging the enemy
There are a couple of exceptions to this, mostly involving light troops (who don't cause damage to battle troops when they are killed), but in the main it's not a good idea to stand right behind someone who might be killed in combat.
This was however a minor diversion, as in the centre the rest of the Swiss pike formation surged onwards like a herd of St. Bernards lurching through snowdrifts to rescue lost climbers, except these climbers were the hapless enemy and the rescue was always manifested in the shape of a pike to the chest.
The hapless, not-as-good-as-Swiss Scottish Schiltrons had no answer as they were trampled underfoot by the Alpine majesty of the Swiss Phalanx, casting their army of deep fried mars bar eating, highland-dancing warriors to their doom.
The Result is a crushing and swift victory for the Swiss!
Little-known Facts about Swiss Pikemen
Every single Swiss Pikeman can believe It's not butter
Click here for the report of the next game in this competition, or read on for the post match summaries from the Generals involved, as well as another episode of legendary expert analysis from Hannibal
Post Match Summary from the Swiss Commander
Brave sons of the mountains and valleys, my stalwart companions in arms, gather close and hear my words! Today, on this blood-stained field, you have proven once more that the heart of Switzerland beats strong and proud, even in the smallest of creatures like me—a Swiss gnome devoted to our land, our people, and, yes, our cheese
Against a foe larger in number and boasting mercenaries of renown, we stood firm, our pikes like the unyielding Alps. When the pikemen of the Medieval Scots faltered, unsteady as a wheel of bad Gouda, you surged forward with the discipline and ferocity that make us the most feared warriors in Christendom!
And let us not forget our valiant halberdiers, those cunning artisans of the battlefield! While the enemy's Highland archers sought to rain death upon us, you cut them down with the precision of a cheesemaker shaving the rind from a wheel of Emmental. You showed them the strength of Swiss steel and the fury of Swiss hearts!
But, my friends, our victory today was not forged solely by pike and halberd. It was forged by our unshakable spirit, by the virtues that bind us together as Swiss: loyalty, unity, and an unrelenting love for what is ours. And let us not overlook the secret weapon that fuelled our strength and resolve — stinky Swiss cheese! Its aroma, pungent as the fields of Appenzell, filled the air and fortified our courage while driving the enemy to distraction!
This triumph is not just a tale of battle, but a testament to who we are. We are the children of the Alps, guardians of our valleys, and protectors of our herds. We are the bearers of a proud tradition, the wielders of pikes that defend not just our land but our way of life. And we do so with cheese in our balls and fire in our souls!
Raise your weapons high, my comrades, and let the world remember this day! The Swiss Gnome and his army have shown that no force, no matter how vast, can stand against the strength of disciplined arms, unyielding hearts, and the glorious, nostril-searing power of our cheese!
Victory for Switzerland! Victory for the Pikemen! And victory for cheese!
Hannibal's Post Match Analysis
Hark, thou curd-fed conqueror! Thou doth preen and prattle as if Mars himself had smiled upon thy dullard’s manoeuvre. Yet, methinks thy victory is but a clumsy tryst with fortune, bereft of cunning or stratagem.
By Jove’s flaring nostrils, thou art no Alexander, nay, not even a Pyrrhus, but a mule that stumbled upon gold whilst grazing in a field of mediocrity!
Thy Swiss host, with their helms of tin and hearts of cheese, marched forward as oxen to the yoke—aye, forward, forward, ever forward! What art is there in thine artless charge? Didst thou conjure a cunning feint? Nay. Didst thou wield the wiles of ambuscade? Double nay. Didst thou, perchance, consider the majesty of war elephants scaling yon frosty peaks? Nay thrice, thou whey-faced dullard, for thy imagination is as barren as a goat’s udder!
And this, methinks, is the fate of thy people, nourished on curds and Toblerone, that triangular bane of ingenuity. Thy victories taste of cheese, heavy and unremarkable, and thy banners smell of chocolate, sickly sweet and cloying.
Had I, Hannibal, son of Carthage, been graced with thy plight, I would have fashioned a marvel to be sung through the ages! Lo, the mountains would tremble as great beasts of war did stride o’er their snowy summits, their trumpeting a hymn to dread. The Scottish host, quaking in their boots, wouldst cry, “What sorcery is this? What demon hath called the mighty Hannibal from the grave?” Aye, I wouldst have cast my stratagems like javelins from Olympus, striking with precision and style—nay, art!
Yet thou, with all the wit of a turnip and the panache of a wet sock, hath done naught but bludgeon thine enemy headlong. Truly, thy method doth honour the spirit of a battering ram: effective, perchance, but oh, so dull.
Away with thee, thou Alpine boor! Take thy cheese-laden triumph and melt it o’er the fire of history’s indifference. Thy deeds shall be remembered, not as feats of brilliance, but as the work of a cowherd who stumbled into greatness but surely will not do so in the next game?
And I? I shall return to the annals of time, content in the knowledge that even in critique, I am the better general.
Click here for the report of the next game in this competition
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Game 1 Swiss vs Medieval Scots
Game 2 Swiss vs Medieval Spanish
Game 5 Swiss vs Medieval German
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